How to handle slow, left lane drivers

What I do, when I come up behind these people, is the same thing you do, namely pass them on the right and glare at them. Unfortunately this tactic doesn’t seem to be working. So I’m proposing that we go on to the next logical step: nuclear weapons.

Specifically I’m thinking of atomic land torpedoes, which would be mounted on the front bumpers of cars operated by drivers who have demonstrated that they have the maturity and judgment necessary to handle tactical nuclear weapons in a traffic environment. I would be one of these drivers.

Here’s how I would handle a standard left-lane blockage problem: I would get behind the problem driver and flash my lights. If that failed, I’d honk my horn until the driver looked in his rear-view mirror and saw me making helpful suggestive hand motions indicating that he is in the passing lane, and if he wants to drive at 55, he should do it in a more appropriate place, such as the waiting room of a dental office.

If that failed, I’d sound the warning siren which would go, and I quote, “WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP”. Only if all these measures failed would I proceed to the final step, total vaporization of the car (unless of course it had one of those BABY ON BOARD signs).

Dave Barry

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