Monthly Archives: October 2008

Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election too, we’ve decided that we’re leaving.  We intend to form our own country; and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.  In case you are not aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and ALL of the Northeast. We believe that this split will be beneficial to the nation, especially to the people of the new nation Nuevo California.

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all of the slave States.

We get Stem Cell Research and the best beaches.

We get the Statue of Liberty.

You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft.

You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard.

You get Ole Miss.

We get 85% of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get 2/3 of the tax revenue.

You get to force the Red States to learn what it’s like to pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition‘s, we get a bunch of happy families.

You get a bunch of single moms and the bulk of the deadbeat dads.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we are going to want all of
our citizens back from Iraq at once.  If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they are apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, as long as you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we are not willing to spend our resourses in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country’s fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95% of America’s quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of all high tech industry, 95% of all the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the US low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy League and Seven Sisters schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected healthcare costs), 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of all the tornados, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Soutern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and U of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red States believe that Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred, unless we are  discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws,  44% say evolution is only a theory, 53% believe that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe that you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

Finally, we are taking all of the good pot. You can have that seedy dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace Out,

The Blue States

What liberals really think

My right wing buddy asked me why I don’t like Sarah Palin as a candidate.

My response….

I hesitate to state my opinions because you often come back with “well, that’s just a lot of dumb crap” type of respnse. That just shows me you are over the edge about the political scene. I will admit that I’ve shown similar feelings and they are not good. For instance, when I was talking about the wingnuts who were screaming out horrible things at McCain’s rallys you said “You don’t know, they might be Democrats!”  Well, ok, they might, but, jeez.

First, I want to say that I think that any organization functions better with diversity of opinion. So, just from my perspective I think that when those 3 Supremes die or retire that Palin would probably block any attempt to replace them with a liberal or a moderate. Thus, she would insure that Rov v Wade gets killed. I know that is a good thing for you, but not for me.

Second, I think she may sympathize with the John Birch society or that her husband might have that affiliation. The lady who tried to ban the video in the library had a husband who was a member of the John Birch society. Check this out:

Third, my heart says that she may really fuck up the world. For instance, during the Cuban Missile Crisis Kennedy was in the middle about what to do. Fortunately for the the world he had a fellow advisor who attended the meetings about this. That advisor had spent time with Kruschev and his wife and he told Kennedy that what Kruschev needed was to be able to tell the Russian people that the U.S. backed down. So, Kennedy gave Kruschev a last chance and the nuclear war was averted.

I have no feeling that Palin is close to having Kennedy’s judgment especially when she stated her opinion (incredibly) that limited nuke warfare is a possible choice. That probably killed a million votes right there.

Those are my main difficulties with Sarah Palin as Prez.

I have hear from my left wing friends (women) that she made the decision to take on the Governorship and the VP race even though she had children who needed her attention. I think a lot of women dislike her for that reason and it is surprising to me that maybe you have not heard that from your right wing friends who always talk about “family values.”

My lefty women friends feel that a good Prez will have a good relationship with his/her family and it is really about Family First, if you will.

Why do you keep brining up “compared to Biden.” What you don’t see is that liberals don’t even give a rats ass about Biden, not really. And they don’t think about him much at all. That is a major flaw with the glasses. They won’t allow you to see what matters to the other side.

Lots of other examples: Liberals don’t really care about Ronald Reagan, good or bad. They just don’t think about him. Like conservatives, liberals don’t really care about the soldiers, but they do care about getting out of Iraq. Liberals don’t care if YOU are rich or poor, but they want wealth spread around. Somehow liberals relate better to poor people. Liberals don’t really care about the abortion issue but they don’t like to be told they are “pro-abortion” when they are really about “women’s rights”.

Liberals don’t go around all day thinking about the Constitution like their right wing friends seem to do. They think of the Constitution as a living and changing thing.

You told me you oppose gay marriage “because the definition of marriage is a union between a man and a woman.” Wha? That’s why you object to gay marriage? You are fibbing, Bob. Liberal’s don’t give a rats ass if a gay couple want to get married and they think your side is kinda stupid for caring about an Old School issue.

Frankly, liberals in general don’t really care about Sarah Palin nor do they think about her much. But they do love to make fun of her, I’ll give you that. She is so funny.

Do you really want to know what liberals think? Sometimes I wonder.

Michele Bachmann says Obama is “anti-American”

Michele Bachmann, a congresswomen from Minnesota, that Obama is “anti-american” on the Chris Matthews show today.

Matthews is very upset about the McCain robo calls that are being used right now to try to convince people that he has terrorist leanings. Matthews should be upset. This type of rhetoric rips into the great fabric of the American ideals.

I  think we need to be careful of using descriptions and definitions. For example, when I ask my conservative friends why they oppose gay marriage I will almost always get the answer “Because the definition of marriage is a union between a man and a woman.”

Well, golderned it, there are plenty of definitions that make conservative hair curl and their mouths froth in anger.

Joel said, “Obama’s “spreading of the wealth” comment was not a “mis-speak”.  He got caught telling the truth.” I think this is very perceptive, Joel, and I agree but I would not call it “getting caught” that shows an agenda on your side. But, yes, I think Obama is very socialistic especially when compared with the right wing agentdas. Unfortunately for them, the Old School methods will not work any more. But we need to differentiate Obama from, say, the early Russian revolutionaires back in 1918 and maybe even from the Europeans of today. I doubt that Obama and the President of France mirror their ideas of what is socialism.

Blanket statements show laziness, right?

When the issue of Rev. Wright came up I saw an interview with Obama and his wife. She did not want to talk about the issue. Obama came to her rescue bo overspeaking her. In fact, it is my firm belief that the Obama’s believe in Rev. Wright for most of his ideas.

Know what? So do I and I am proud to say so. Wright said, “The god those on top of the slaveships prayed to was not the same god that those below the decks prayed to.”

Amen to that, Rev. Wright. And may the folks who are calling Obama “anti-American” this morning, specifically that Congresswoman from Minnesota, Michele Bachmann, may they have a an acute attack of kidney stones tonight, dear God.

Greg Cryns